I once had a client that only wanted to know which of his two suitors wanted him more, which one was more devoted, and which one wouldn’t leave him. When I asked him which one he wanted to be with, he would bring it back to, “Well which one loves me more?” So is this love or is this fear and ego?
In a relationship, we tend to just think of ourselves. When we imagine our ideal or current relationship, we think about how we feel and how our partner makes us feel. We want to be happy with our partner. We want to know our partner wants and loves us. Me me me me. But…how many times have you thought about how you want your partner to feel? How many times have you thought,
“I want my partner to feel loved, secure, confident, and happy. I want my partner to feel so secure and happy in our relationship that they never have a reason jealousy or insecurity.”
I bet…never. This has probably never crossed your mind. Which is a bummer for your partner, the potential love of your life, even if they are only imaginary at the moment.
It’s absolutely important to know your expectations, your wants, and your needs in a relationship, but you’re not alone in a relationship are you? A relationship isn’t just what you want or how you feel. In The Mastery of Love, Don Miguel Ruiz explains that a healthy relationship is a made up of two halves. Each person is responsible for their half and their half alone. For me, I think of it like being partners or teammates. You respect, support, and build each other up. You trust and allow the other person to have their half. You also accept the other person as they are, without grand designs to change them, because they may be the same person for the next 50 years.
If you want your partner to act in a way that makes you feel loved and secure, are you ready to be that person also? You can’t attract a quality in another that you don’t already possess. So if you want someone who is generous, are you ready to be generous? If you want someone communicative, are you ready to communicate? If you want someone respectful, are you ready to be respectful? And the list goes on and on.
Basically…are you ready to be the partner you want to have?
Stay tuned for follow up Dating Journal Questions and check out Questions 1-3.