While evaluating what beauty means to you, ask yourself this question:
If you were the most beautiful human being on the planet and no one else could see it or know it, would you still want it?
Or would it still mean the same thing to you?
I ask a version of this in my Em+Fit program when it comes to weight loss: If no one else could see your body – let’s say you live alone in a forest and all your needs are met and you’re happy or we all live in potato sacks full-time – would you still feel the same way about your body?
This is an important and simple idea because it reveals that the judgement we place on our beauty or our body composition is based on what we believe others perceive. Our dissatisfaction or lack of fulfillment with our meat sacks (I use meat sacks to exaggerate that we really are energetic beings living in meat sacks on a floating rock in space orbiting a giant flaming star) is based upon external validation. So our own perception of our looks/our body actually have nothing to do with us.
PSA: This mindset is always a losing one.
In The Subtle Art of How Not To Give a Fuck by Mark Manson, he talks about reorienting our values. This type of value about beauty is based on something external from us. We can have no control over whether we “hit the mark” with other people or not.
From a spiritual perspective, this is also what giving up our power is. We are giving someone else the final verdict of our beauty or our body. How can we allow something outside of ourselves to dictate what is good or bad or beautiful or ugly about our gift and only true home for this life from the Creator/Source/God/Universe/One?
Beauty is entirely subjective too. It depends on your culture, the period of history, your geographical location, and so many other things. For example, 15 years ago, I was made fun of and told I could never become a model because I was “too muscular” as a teenager. Now, muscular women are “in” and there is even a whole category of modeling called “fitness models.” As a second example, I was made also fun of for having a shapely butt. Big butts were not “in” 15+ years ago. But what is in now? Butts. Big ones.
My body type never changed (despite gaining and losing 60+ pounds somewhere in those 15 years). And yet the features that used to put me outside the “trend” are suddenly desired to the point of bodily disfigurement and maiming. So, was my body less beautiful or worthy when it was out of style by other’s perceptions? Of course not but we are willing to believe that as truth.
Because of this, it’s so important to reframe our values to be based internally instead of externally.
This means instead of focusing on the number on the scale or how you fit in the “trending” clothes, why not pour energy into whether you are treating your body with health? Do YOU like the way you look when no one is looking? Are you prioritizing health and removing any limits to your longevity and quality of life so you can actually enjoy your body?
Instead of trying to adhere to the moving “beauty” target, are you doing things that make you feel beautiful?
And instead of putting so much focus on external validation, can you put focus on internal values like the following what is in your power and therefore can reach fulfillment:
– Are you operating in integrity with yourself? These means your thoughts, words, and actions are all in alignment. This includes our relationship with the body and our beauty.
– Are you prioritizing your health? Physically. Mentally. Emotionally. Spiritually. Energetically. Financially. Creatively. Relationally. Environmentally.
– Are open to growth, adaptation, and evolution? This means seeing obstacles or challenges as opportunities to innovate instead of tombstones of failure.
– What is your contribution to humanity? This doesn’t have to be the extremes of “end world hunger,” or “clean up the oceans.” It can be as simple as doing the best you can to leave a mark of authenticity, of kindness, of generosity, of love. If your “contribution” is only within your community, that is already more than enough. Watch my Call to the Lights here for inspiration on this.
One of my biggest values is operating out of Love. What this means to me is thinking, speaking, making decisions, and acting with an intention of love and not allowing fear to rule my life. This is an internal value that only I can meet for myself. No one can take that away from me.
If we do not pull our values back inside of ourselves, we will be easily manipulated by things like marketing or media. That literally is the mission of most marketing strategies: they create a perception that an intrinsic value can be created through an object or a service. For example, as I mention in the video below, I once saw a post on one of those millionaire inspo accounts on social media labeled “fam goals” and something to the effect of everyone should wants this It was a clip of people with luxury cars next to a private plane on an airstrip. All it made me think was, “How could that be? I don’t know if those people are nice to each other. I don’t know if they are happy or even if they like themselves.”
My internal values are so strong and fulfilling that attaching the value of “happiness,” “success,” and “popularity/desirability,” to objects doesn’t hook me because I know it isn’t true. Content/ads/media like this are designed to hook us to desire that object or service to fill the void in our lives. It is an illusion because there is no external thing outside of us that will create sustainable lasting happiness, success, or being wanted and valued.
It’s all smoke and mirrors unless it’s the real thing.
And the real thing has to be created. It cannot be bought. It cannot be packaged and sold either. But who would make money that way right? 😉
So when I ask: If you were the most beautiful human being on the planet and no one else could see it or know it, would you still want it? This is the reality we are already living in.
You are a drop in the ocean that makes divine source energy. You are already divinely beautiful, with all your uniqueness and you-ness. You were divinely created. And you can take that power back whenever you would like.
If you realize you don’t want it without other’s validation…what is it you really wanting then?